he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
