ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
