Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
