I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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