Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
