Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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