Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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