Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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