Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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