In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry about my life...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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