This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
