So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
