i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
