the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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