atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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