good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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