I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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