And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He better not be in your backpack
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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