She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
