K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
