How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
