i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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