Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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