The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
