dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
