The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she looked like the before picture.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
