If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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