My liver just broke up with me...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
