Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize