I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
