Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
