epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
