Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
