Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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