If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
