So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Randomize
