Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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