Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
