You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
