dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
