Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
