she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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