I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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