Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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