is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
