i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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