I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
time to smoke my breakfast
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
