Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
