Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
