the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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