I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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