I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
