just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
