Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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