If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
