I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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