i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
