Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize