wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
