You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
