How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
