how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I understand Curling. That high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize