make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
