i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
