I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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