I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
