upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
